I found myself missing Utah today. Not the Center but the people who filled it while I was there. I communicate with many of them on facebook or phone and they never fail to amaze me with their friendship and love. I’m amazed that we have managed to transfer our friendship from simply a commonality based upon an eating disorder to a friendship based upon life, love and shared goals. It’s coming into the holiday season and I think this is one reason I miss them. During the holidays I want to be with people I love and I love my CFC sisters. And although the holidays were hard and out of the norm last year I was surrounded by girls I love. This year I’ll be surrounded by family but I can’t help but also miss my friends.
Anyways, all of this missing and wishing led me to my journal to see where I was exactly a year ago. I filled a journal while at CFC and while I journal less frequently now I still find it a way to get my thoughts out (much like this blog). I would like to share one section of what I wrote (the other section the wonderful W.J. made me cover up with sticky notes….long story).
November 4, 2010
What can I do to help speed up my recovery? What would satisfy Wendy and what would give me hope? What would be good enough? What happens if I start doing something that proves life is worth living…would that help? I could write lists of things to live for, I could write daily afirmations, I could write one reason every day why I deserve to recover.
There are some thinking errors in this (i.e. recovery is not a fast process nor should it be…I don’t need to worry about what would be good enough – trying is good enough) but also somethings that I can take away today. Specifically, the reminder that there are things that do prove life is worth living. The past week has been hard and I think it would help to remind myself that there are many things in life that can bring me joy and make life worthwhile.
So here is my list:
A Few Reasons Why Life is Worth Living
- My two beautiful neices
- My dog
- The fall weather
- The tortises at the zoo
- My friends (L who makes me laugh; C who sees into my soul; A. who loves me through the worst and all the others)
- My family
- Lazy Saturday mornings
- Papa’s chili (yes a food thing)
- Good books
- Modern Family
- Comfy blankets
- My apartment