Tag Archives: presidential election

dear facebook friends and family


Dear Friends and Family who Voted for Trump,

I’ve posted political articles on and off since the political season began (whenever that was…seems like it went on forever). I supported Bernie and then happily and with no reluctance moved my support to Hillary. I was open about that.

I got some comments on things I shared and some discussion but for the most part it was respectful. For the most part people left things I posted alone or agreed with them or maybe liked them.
I deleted someone because they kept posting the “haha” reaction to articles I shared about how Trump reminds me and other victims of their abusers but that was it.
Since Trump won it’s been different. I’ve posted articles, memes and graphics. None of it is in anyway more polarizing than things I posted before the election. However, some of you (some who I wasn’t aware were Trump supporters – the Bradley Effect is real) are now commenting, arguing and dismissing my opinions.
Why? Is it because your candidate won so now you have some sort of bravery you didn’t before? Is it because the things I post hit too close to home? Why do you feel so defensive and entitled to argue with me when you ignored my posts before the election? This puzzles me. It’s Facebook. I know there will be disagreements. I just wonder why after the election people suddenly feel the urge to comment and argue when before my posts were left alone before. That’s the part that confuses me. 
 I’m a survivor. I make no secret of that fact. Trump reminds me of my abusers just as he reminds thousands of other people in this country of their abusers. Trump makes me feel unsafe just as he makes thousands of other people in this country feel unsafe.  As a survivor I’ve learned that I can’t keep everyone in my life. Sometimes I have to let people go entirely – other times, I have to limit how much my life intersects with theirs.

The majority of my posts post-election day have not been about politics as normal. They have been about how this man makes people (me) feel. When you dismiss what I post or what I write with a “sorry you feel that way but it’s not true” or long explanations as to why what I just posted is plainly just wrong when it was an opinion piece that expresses hurt and sorrow, you aren’t saying my political views are wrong, you are saying that the way I feel and am choosing to heal is wrong. And that is far more damaging and hurtful than anything you could argue with me about.

I’m not going to stop posting articles to Facebook. I’m not going to stop talking about what I am doing to heal from my trauma – on a global scale and on a personal scale – but I am going to be limiting who can see what I post. It may be a relief to you too. You probably don’t enjoy seeing what I’m posting because you disagree with it so strongly anyways. Perhaps it offends you. I’m not going to apologize for that but I am going to make it easy on both of us and limit our contact. Because you must understand, when you argue with me over articles or memes or whether something is true or not; whether I have the right to feel this hurt.; whether I have the right to feel this way about Trump; I hear that you are telling me you don’t support me. You don’t support survivors. If you met my abuser’s and they told you their version of the story you would believe them over me. Or you just wouldn’t care. That is what I am hearing. More than likely I’m wrong. But I’m not claiming to be rational. I’m simply claiming to be doing what I have to do to survive.

And so you’ll still see me post on Facebook. I would’t want to keep everyone from seeing my dog pictures now would I (maybe those annoy you lol I don’t know)? I do wish you luck. But, I can’t wish for everyone to “just get along right now” because as the movie quote says “I’m mad as Hell and I’m not going to take it anymore”.  But I do wish you health and hope.

– Still very proud to be “With Her”, 




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Filed under abuse, abuser, bullying, coping skills, culture, election 2016, family, feminism, friends, friendship, Gus, Identity, life events, PTSD, social change, society, survivor, the past, trauma, writing/poetry

becoming bad-asses as the country fell apart (2008-2016)

I talked to a friend who does not live in America today. We talked about her country’s politics where there have been peaceful protests and then about America and how scary the rise of Trump has been. The peaceful protests in her country signals progress and hope. I couldn’t help but look at our protests which lately have turned violent and led to bloodshed and wondered what they mean for America.
We also reminisced about watching Obama win the election in 2008 while we sat together in our dorm room. It was such a special moment to share. I remember we both cried a bit as we watched the first African American in history step up to the podium to officially claim victory in the election. I think we both knew we were watching history in the making. And we both felt proud to witness it.
Now eight years later so much has changed. Verna is back in her home country. I’m back in my home town. We’ve both become bad-asses as Verna says. Our lives have handed us challenges and we’ve fought them and won. And our world is a different place than it was when we sat in Reed 308 and watched a young Obama and family celebrate in Chicago in November. I don’t mourn for loosing who young Kate and Verna were in 2008. We had a lot of growing up to do. But I do mourn for who America has become. It hasn’t done the same growing we have.
While Verna and I have matured and grown and become strong women (#badasses), the US has become a place of conflict, racial tensions and hate. For the first time I’m scared of my country’s future. As my life came back together the country fell apart. And now I’m living in a place that I don’t recognize.
What a strange thing to realize that a place as strong as America can fall to pieces while I glued myself back together again.
Reed 308

Reed 308 – Sophomore year of College 2008

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Filed under culture, election 2016, friends, friendship, life events, social change, society, survivor, the past

We are Bound Together – “Shed a Little Light”

Some comments on my previous posts have made me realize that no matter what the outcome of the election is in November there will be people who feel disappointed and betrayed. In addition, to that I think it is important to remember each other’s humanity as we face political issues and have to ask ourselves what we truly believe in. We may not agree with one another but that does not mean we should hate each other.

Thank you for sharing your opinions and letting me know what you think. I respect all of you who did so in such a kind and respectful manner. You are always welcome to disagree with me and tell me. I like knowing what other people think and although I didn’t mention it in my replies I have thought about what each of you has shared. One thing I really want to strive to do is to keep learning and that means at times being willing to face hard questions and perhaps accept new answers. You challenge me to do this and I thank you because it helps me grow as a person.

Now I couldn’t figure out a way to say everything I wanted but James Taylor has and said it more elegentaly than I ever could in the wonderful song “Shed a Little Light”. So please read the lyrics below and know that this is what I want to say. I’ve highlighted the lyrics that have especially resonated with me after the discussions I have had over the last couple of days. The video is at the bottom.

Let us turn our thoughts today
To martin luther king
And recognize that there are ties between us 
All men and women
Living on the earth
Ties of hope and love 
Sister and brotherhood
That we are bound together
In our desire to see the world become 
A place in which our children 
Can grow free and strong 
We are bound together
By the task that stands before us
And the road that lies ahead
We are bound and we are bound

There is a feeling like the clenching of a fist
There is a hunger in the center of the chest
There is a passage through the darkness and the mist
And though the body sleeps the heart will never rest

Shed a little light, oh lord 
So that we can see 
Just a little light, oh lord
Wanna stand it on up
Stand it on up, oh lord
Wanna walk it on down
Shed a little light, oh lord

Can’t get no light from the dollar bill
Don’t give me no light from a tv screen
When I open my eyes 
I wanna drink my fill 
From the well on the hill 

(do you know what I mean? )
– chorus –

There is a feeling like the clenching of a fist
There is a hunger in the center of the chest
There is a passage through the darkness and the mist
And though the body sleeps the heart will never rest 

Oh, let us turn our thoughts today
To martin luther king
And recognize that there are ties between us 
All men and women 
Living on the earth 
Ties of hope and love 
Sister and brotherhood


Filed under Election 2012, family, friends, Hope, Identity, music, Sunday Songs

touchy subjects

This semester I am in a an American Politics course. I chose to take this course this semester because I was excited to keep up with the presidential election and learn more about the political system in the process. I’m enjoying the class and the discussion about the candidates but one thing has become clear: politics is a touchy subject.

I’ve thought about this a lot lately especially after my last blog post where I received some extremely negative feedback. And I’ve asked myself if  I shy away from topics that I am passionent about just because someone disagrees. I’ve come to the conclusion that no I should not. This blog is about my story and my truths. In no way am I going to make this blog become a political commentary but if something in this election affects me directly it might be something I bring up. You are free to disagree with me but I am asking that if you do it not be done in a personal attack like I have received this last time. I will not stand for that and I will neither discuss it nor post comments if it is done so in a negative way. I have endured bullies for years and I will NOT allow someone to bully me again.

The great thing about America is that we can disagree. I can support topics that you may not support and you can support things that I do not. And the best thing is that it can be done so in a respectful manner. Hate is not needed nor will I tolerate it. And I ask you how can you choose to hate me because I disagree with you? Yes abortion is a hot button topic. But please do not make question my morals because I may support a woman’s right to choose. I could argue with you and explain my position but unless I choose to do so in my blog I will not do so in my comments. And I ask you to not leave hateful comments nor start debates in my comment section.

You might not understand why I am choosing to handle things this way. And the answer I have for you is that this is my blog and the very definition of a blog is that you can express your views. My polotical views are shaped from my experiences. My past plays a large role in what I choose to support. I cannot separate it and I do not wish to. Most of all I ask please do not use my past as a way to disagree with me or ammunition to criticize and hurt me. This is ineffective, bullying and hateful. And also just plain wrong.

So, I might mention polotics again. I’m not asking for permission because I do not need it. I am asking for polite responses or none at all. This is my story. My voice and my blog and I will not be bullied or manipulated into what I can and cannot write about.


Filed under bullying, Identity, Independence