Tag Archives: portia de rossi

purple friday is tomorrow

Day Five of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week:

Tomorrow is the day that my friends and I are asking everyone to wear purple to remember those who have died from eating disorders and to support those who are fighting for recovery.

So please take out your purple clothing or pin a purple ribbon to your shirt or do something to spread awareness.

I don’t have much to say today I just want to remind everyone about Purple Friday and also thank my cousins and family who has supported me and spread awareness this past week with facebook posts and other actions. Without all of you I wouldn’t be in recovery today.

And now I’ll leave you with a few of my favorite quotes about recovery.

“That’s the common denominator among people I know who have recovered. They chose recovery, and they worked like hell for it, and they didn’t give up.” – Myra Hornbacher

“…because the trade-off is this: you let go of your eating disorder, and you get your life back” – Myra Hornbacher

”I relish my life. It’s a life of which I’m fiercely protective. I have wrestled it back from madness, and madness cannot take it from me again. I will not throw it away. So what if it isn’t a normal life? It’s the one I have. It’s difficult, beautiful, painful, full of laughter… Whatever else it is, whatever else it brings – it’s mine. ” -marya hornbacher

“Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get where you wanna go” – C.R

– “Being sick let’s you check out of lfie. Getting well means you have to check back in.”  – Portia De Rossi

“Let go of the self-inflicted pain. You may never forget and that’s ok… it’s a lesson learned. Forgive yourself… Give yourself the gift of freedom to live again. It’s time.”

“What is to give light must endure burning.” – Viktor Franco

“The baby rises to her feet, takes a step is overcome with triumph and joy – and falls flat on her face. It is a pattern for allthat is to come. But learn from the bewildered baby. Lurch to your feet again. You’ll make the sofa in the end”. – Pam Brown.

See my gems of hope section if you would like more quotes. 🙂

Have a happy day five of NEDA week. 🙂

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Filed under coping skills, eating disorder, eating disorders, NEDA, New Life, quotes, Recovery

checked in.

Being sick let’s you check out of life. Getting well means you have to check back in.”  – Portia De Rossi

The quote I have written above is from Unbearable Lightness, a memoir, by Portia De Rossi and her struggle with Anorexia. I don’t normally read autobiographical accounts of eating disorder suffers but I had heard good enough reviews about the book that I was willing to read it. Thankful it was not another Wasted, which is known as the relapse book of the eating disorder world. Portia had surprisingly deep insights into her illness and the way it affects all of it’s suffers. For me I was primarily hit by the quote above.

When I got sick life stopped. It moved on for everyone else but I stood in a time warp where all I did was starve, exercise, count calories repeat. It’s strange but when I tell someone I am twenty-two, almost twenty-three, it feels very wrong. I spent two years very ill and in treatment and to me it still sometimes seems like I should be nineteen. I was checked out of life during those two years. In many ways time did stop for me.

Now as I am home again and filling my life with meaningful activities (not disordered ones) life has come back. I have “checked back in”. I have talked a lot about how exciting this is, how it means I’m growing up and moving forward and how it is a symbol of the recovery I have worked towards but I have left out how hard this has been.

I have been so used to not being fully present in life with a brain numbed by anxiety, depression or starvation that at times being checked into life seems so painful that I wander if it’s worth it. I always answer yes but I struggle with this question a lot. I love my new job. I love the fact I will have an apartment soon. I love that my life is changing. However, I’m still getting used to the other parts of being checked back into life. The parts that aren’t so fun such as emotions.

Being checked into life means I have to feel. I have to feel pain again. I have to feel worry again. Anger. Sadness. Irriation. Insecurity. Doubt and the list goes on. These feelings were by and large gone when I was sick and by living I have to confront them again. I know I get to experience happiness. Joy. Peace. Hope. Love etc. but I also have to feel the hard feelings again. No longer can I just “check out” from them. And that is very new and a very foreign feeling to me. I know it’s right. I know it is huge progress but I cannot deny the struggle I have on a day to day basis to remember that this life is so much better than my old “checked out” one. But I do remind myself and I do go on.

And so, life goes forward. I go forward. I get to have a real birthday. And I’ll be happy as I blow out the candles. But I’ll also feel some sadness as I remember previous birthdays in which I felt nothing at all. The point is is that I’ll be feeling. And that signifies that I’m living. I’m checked in again.

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Filed under depression, eating disorder, eating disorders, Identity, Independence, Job, life events, quotes, Recovery, the past