Here’s a late post. I’m writing it Saturday morning from Denver and will post it when I have internet. I’m borrowing my mom’s computer as I did not bring mine so I could have a break from the internet. I can access it on my phone but that is limited and I’m thinking that’s a good baby step. I have found myself becoming entirely too dependent on the computer as of late and since I am moving into the apartment without internet it’s good practice. I’m going to have to find other things to do and I actually have lots of projects lined up so moving is my chance to get them done.
I’m enjoying seeing my grandmother and catching up. It’s been a year since I last saw her and almost three years since I have been to Denver (other ummmm…”things” got in the way). I will see the rest of the family tonight and my mom’s best friend tomorrow so I am looking forward to that.
The car ride down was definantly an experience. Mandalay was traumatized the entire way and really was only happy when she was laying on my Brookstone (!!) blanket and hiding her nose behind my back. Poor dog. We think that she is convinced that she is going to be left. She has so many fears and I emphasize with her. At times I think her outright fear outwardly demonstrates how I am feeling inside. I may not express it but I too want to cower in a corner and hide my eyes at times and wish it would all go away. I’m not talking about the trip but just the reality of my life at times.
On a lighter note Shona is well, being Shona. That dog just loves life. If you have met her you know what I mean. She bounces, she runs around, she paws, she loves, she barks and on and on. The car ride went really, really well except she couldn’t figure out her place. Mandalay took up most of the back seat with me and then Shona was very confused about where she was supposed to be so she didn’t sleep much on the way here which made for a very wild dog when we finally got to the hotel room.
It was like she was so tried that she couldn’t even control herself. She paced, she piddled, she barked, she stood up on the cupboards on the table, tried to chance rabbits in the courtyard, pulled mother over to the little Boston Terriers in the parking lot and just generally was not a good dog. In fact, we were ready to give her Benadryl to sedate her when she finally calmed down enough to go to bed. That worked until people were in the hall and she decided her duty was to protect us by barking and growling. Thank goodness once the hotel quieted she slept.
She is better this morning (Thank the Lord) and now we are hanging out with plans to go Ikea which I am beyond excited about and the Christmas store which I am also beyond excited about. I’ll fill you in on the details in another post.
I’m always learning. I think we all are and I think it is something that makes the human race incredible. I thought I would share a few things I have learned in the past five days.
1) Mental health breaks are a must. Without them I do not think I can be a healthy person. As my friend Lauren says I need to plan a day of vacation from life where I just relax and let worries go.
2) Speaking of Lauren…I have learned that going like four days without having constant phone access to each other really sucks.
3) Some people can see into your soul from your first meeting. This is rare and I believe God is defiantly at work when this happens. I experienced this recently and I have not felt more loved in a long time.
4) I (and I believe all people) seek to be understood and when you realize that someone does understand you it provides a relief so enormous I can’t even describe it. I have been searching for this without even knowing I needed it.
5) Again, I have learned that my friends and family are not going to abandon me.
6) Shona does not handle my absence well.
7) I have a lot of coping skills. I didn’t even realize I had that many. But thank God I do.
8) I can actually be assertive.
9) I am not the only one society and school systems have failed. Something has GOT to change.
10) Friends who bring you little things and are willing to sit and just “be” are the best.
Soo… some more normalcy. 🙂
Today I was in Wichita for a 9:45 appointment and my mom had come with me because she decided to use some of her vacation time for us to just have a girls day. After I got my appointment over we headed over to the mall to shop. I wanted some shorts. I only have one pair. I wear a lot of dresses which is my first love but shorts were needed. So shopping I found two pairs of shorts, a skirt, a pair of shoes and some unmentionable items (sorry if that’s tmi). I really enjoyed spending the day with my mom. We shopped, we ate out, we went to the mall (where tons of people are) and I was just a part of the crowd rolling on by.
When we got home I was at loose ends so I watched an interview that Oprah did with Ellen Degeneris and her wife Portia. I have never really watched Ellen’s show but seeing the clips from her show had me almost on the floor laughing. So after that I youtubed over to her main page and watched a whole bunch of clips, interviews and pranks from her show. I think I can now officially say I am an Ellen fan. I need humor and she seems to provide it in abundance. My friend Lauren is going to read her book and I expect a review to know if I should read it. 🙂
Anyways, things were happy today (mostly – no day is ever perfect) and Chris arrives back tonight from a trip he took with friends so I am looking forward to having him around again. If you look over to your right you will see Chris and I modeling our Halloween Costumes from many years ago. I miss his sense of humor and unique perspective on life. So I am more than ready to have him back.
Well, I think I officially managed to fill a page (or whatever you call this) with random babbling over nothing…:D Oops. BUT do be excited b/c the 4th of July is a big event in my family and I plan to chronicle the day through pictures! So on Monday or Tuesday there will be some (entertaining I’m sure) pictures of my holiday.
Just in case I don’t get back on here until then,
Have a wonderful and safe 4th of July.
(oh and also if you live near my house could you try and not shoot off many fireworks? My dog thinks her role is to protect me from them and having her pacing all the time does not help my all ready plentiful anxiety. Thank you.)
It’s Father’s Day weekend and I thought it was only approrpiate to dedicate this post to my dad. He has stood by me as I have entered treatment far from home, not been afraid to show his tears, been willing to change and most of all supported me 100%. Even if I don’t want sympathy, a kind comment or a hug – he never gives up, he just continue loving me. So here are some photos from the last few years. I love you Papa.
I posted the song “For good” on Sunday and said that this week I wanted to talk about people I truly believe have been placed in my life by God. I believe that God does have a way of giving us people who we need in this life.
For instance when I was at CFC my family wrote to me everyday. My cousins wrote me letters, sent me postcards and quotes and gave me glimpses into their lives which I treasure and still do. My aunts sent me cards that made me laugh and wrote letters.My brother wrote heartfelt hand written letters. My Grandmother made me homemade cards and my parents wrote me e-mails almost every day.
I told my family before I left that what helped me was receiving letters and cards while I was away at home and they truly stepped up. They wanted to help. And that has to be because they love me. If I ever doubted their love I do not now.
And now that I have returned home their support has not stop nor I have felt any different. I feel surrounded by love and caring. My family knows most of my history now yet I have not ever felt judged in anyway. This gives me a gift that I find impossible to even put into words. Unconditional acceptance is a beautiful thing that everyone has the right to receive. And I am very blessed to have my family to give this to me.
I love you all.
Many years ago...