Tag Archives: family

avoiding treatment withe the help of my parents

So this spring I had a lapse/relapse. I mentioned it  in a previous blog entry that it started a few weeks earlier in August. Looking back I see signs way earlier than that. Back to spring and winter but it took times for the thoughts and feelings to turn into full blown behaviors and when they did as my pattern is I sunk downward quickly. There were immediately talks of sending me back to treatment possibly to a transitional IOP program but I resisted this strongly. I have done a total of sixteen months of inpatient and residential and I couldn’t imagine putting my life on hold, leaving Gus and adopting that sick identity one again. So that left one option and that was to let my parents help me.

Now there is a type of treatment for adolescents called Family Based Treatment where the parents take control of the teen/child’s food and are responsible for their recovery (I’m simplifying here). The assumption is that parents know how to feed their child and achieving wellness can be done at home instead of in a treatment center. Now having been to treatment and in treatment with girls who “failed” Maudsley (aka Family Based Treatment – FBT) I was horrified to realize that my family would essentially be doing something like this. I had heard horror story after horror story about how awful it was to give your control of food to your evil parents. I believe in therapy I wailed something like “I am twenty-five years old I will NOT do Mausldey. How pathetic is that? Also, it’s evil” – paraphrasing.

But if I didn’t wish to return to treatment it was my only option so with pressure from my treatment team I begrudgingly allowed my parents to begin to take control of my food. This meant that they fed me three meals and two snacks. We met with my dietician and agreed how we would tackle fear foods. We all compromised and my voice was heard which was very important as an adult. We did a ladder system (starting with easy foods and working up towards harder ones). My mother was to pick meals and snacks – I could portion myself at dinner but she would watch me and tell me to add more if needed. Snacks she portioned. I also did not eat alone. My parents showed up every morning to eat breakfast with me and then again at noon to eat lunch (dinner was always a meal I ate at my parents). This has gone on from August until now. I am at a point where I am eating independently again but not portioning all of my food. I get my own breakfast but my mother  sends a packed lunch and snack with me. I eat dinner with my parents and she feeds me evening snack. Next week I meet with my dietitian and I expect to either be able to portion snacks myself or receive full control of my lunch.

How do I feel about all of this now? Honestly, it’s a relief. I’m so glad I didn’t go to treatment and leave everything here. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn’t want to give up my control around food but I’m glad I had my parents step in. At the time my malnourished brain wasn’t thinking correctly and loosing weight (aka relapse) seemed like a great idea. But it was presented firmly to me that this would not be allowed to happen. My therapist and parents made it impossible. I resented that. And at twenty-five I still think that I should be able to control this myself (not because I resent their help but because I am an adult who should be independent). But now I am so grateful for their help. It wasn’t easy for my parents. It took time away from work and their schedules. And I wasn’t always the most fun person to eat with. I’m also sure it was scary to hear the same talk coming out of my mouth that they heard five years ago when I plunged into the deepest parts of my illness. I’m also thankful to my brother who put up with a lot of moodiness and pouting as I ate (not proud of that).

Not everyone has the resources to be able to turn it around outpatient but  I’m thankful I could. I also have a sense of security now that no one is going to allow me to get as sick as I was in 2009. The thought of that truly does scare me when I’m thinking correctly. I have been promised that intervention will be taken before then. And this was proven to me here. And as for FBT being evil (or at least my parents and mine modified version) being evil I need to take back some words…

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under coping skills, eating disorder, eating disorders, family, Independence, Recovery

stopping a relapse with support

I’ve been absent (again) on my blog. For awhile it was touch and go with things related to my eating disorder. I’m back on a more level playing field but I wouldn’t call it stable ground yet. I began to struggle a few weeks ago. For numerous reasons that would take a lot of time to go into here and honestly I’m not quite ready to share. Anyways, after a lot of days of little nutrition, negotiations with parents and treatment team I’m at a place where I’m eating again with supervision and my safe foods. We are doing a step by step approach to add on scarier foods each week but this week was safe foods. 

I’m eating because I’m supervised but I do have a choice. I could sit in front of my parents and say “nope. not going to eat that” but I haven’t. I guess it’s because I didn’t go totally downhill. I didn’t loose enough weight for my mind to become crazy and everything rational to be gone. I could still think and what I thought about was Gus. If I had had to return to treatment (which at several points was looking likely as the amount of food I was consuming was not acceptable at all) Gus would not have been allowed to go with me. At this point in our relationship and his training it would be hugely detrimental. We would loose all of our progress and he could potentially not become a service dog. I know this because I’ve done it before.  

In August of 2010, I had adopted a young pup from the shelter. I named her Shona which is the name of the native language my friend from Zimbabwe speaks. I was just back from Laureate’s eating disorder program and was in a fast relapse after being home a month. I loved Shona deeply from the first time I saw her but a month after adopting her I was off to Utah to The Center for Change for another 5 1/2 months of treatment. While I was gone Shona had a great life, living with my parents but it wasn’t the same. They purposely didn’t try to bond with her so she would know she was my dog when I returned and she did but important time was lost. Shona was never meant to be a service dog at that time but those early months of her first year where she would have learned basic obedience and manners were lost and we never quite regained that ground. Shona never quite developed the level of obedience I wished until she was much older. And I believe this was due to my leaving her at a young age. 

If I left Gus now at 8 1/2 months of age when he is so impressionable and our bonding is so important not to mention his service dog training and obedience training I truly believe we could never make it up. We would never become a service dog team. The idea terrifies me. I love this dog more than most things in my world right now and to be without him seems unbearable. So I was close to going back to some sort of treatment be it full inpatient or a partial program with boarding but I managed to create structure with my parents and treatment team where we created our own sort of partial program where I am basically receiving the same support I would had I gone to a partial program. I have meal support and we have defiantly upped the therapy time and amount of time I’m spending with my dietician. 

Without meal support would I be eating? I wish I could say yes, but I can’t. Not right now. My eating disorder is really strong and the grip it has on me seems to be unbreakable. But I’m learning that this can’t matter. I do what I need to do anyways just with help right now. I don’t give myself a chance to skip meals or restrict my intake because I have a support team around me. 

So am I in a relapse? The answer would be yes – if left to my own devices as I was a few weeks ago. Now I’ve been pulled out by other people. I’m letting them do the work right now while I comply and follow directions. I’m letting myself go on autopilot for awhile. I don’t have the motivation for complete recovery. I do have the motivation to allow others to help me. And this is the first time I’ve gotten to this place and allowed others to break into the dark, isolated world that my eating disorder has created. Progress. 

And so I’m going along. Still living and existing. Starting school. Beginning a pet sitting business. Working with Gus both on obedience and service dog skills. Teaching him to swim. It’s nice to keep these things going and not have to loose them all while I go sit somewhere and relearn how to eat in an artificial environment. I am hugely grateful that my family has made it possible for me to remain in my world and still receive the help that I need. Hugely grateful. And so thank you family. Thank you for allowing me to stay home and remain with my Gus. 

 

2 Comments

Filed under dog training, dogs, eating disorder, eating disorders, family, Gus, Hope, Independence, psychiatric service dog, Recovery, service dog, Shona

updates: grandma, benny, my future (yes, I’m actually thinking about the future!)

I’ve cut back on updates and I apologize for that. It’s been very hectic in my life lately. My grandmother had quadruple bypass surgery which was very unexpected and my entire family has been helping her and my grandfather. I have mainly been providing Benny comfort and visits. Now that Grandma is home I can give rides and spend more time with her and Grandpa. They are very precious to both Ben and I so I enjoy the time I have with them and like to help.

Benny also wants to help. He adores grandma and wants to do what he knows to do to make her feel better. He knows that I feel better when he performs an over (lying either completely on top of my body or over a portion of my body). Several times I have had to stop him from launching himself at Grandma. He wants to help and comfort so badly but this is not exactly the uh…best way to do this at the time being.

Today, Benny and I went to the Sunflower Cluster Dog Show which is in Wichita. I have gone almost every year since I first started training dogs at the age of seven. It is a HUGE show filled with every dog sport/event you can imagine. And one of the best parts? The vendors who are set up and sell everything from dog jewelry to toys to leashes to bumper stickers. I came away with quite a bit of stuff.

The past several years I’ve only been able to zip in, check out the venders and leave. This year with Benny I was able to stay longer, enjoy the show, watch a friend compete, eat lunch and enjoy myself. It felt so nice to be free from most of my anxiety. I forget sometimes just how big of an impact Ben makes on my life and then something like this happens that reminds me. As for Ben? He was on his best behavior. He ignored the other dogs. He was quiet. He stuck close to my side. He was watchful but not overly so. He ignored other people unless I gave him a “say hi” command. And he even ignored the abundance of food, treats and other things on the ground. This shows his growth more than anything I have yet seen. Our partnership is becoming so solid. I love this dog. So, so much.

And to end this quick update I’ll say that I am beginning to look into more teaching opportunities for myself to hone my training skills and help train other dogs. I received some encouragement today from a man who I have known for many years (first as a 4-H judge – he judged me at age seven – that’s 17 years ago! ouch!). I have realized that doing something with dogs is what I want to do with my future and this encouragement and trust in my abilities is something I still need. As my plans become more solid I’ll let you know but for now I am very content knowing I have a direction to point my life in.

And for your enjoyment…Benny pics:

Skating with Benny. Only one faceplant so far.

Benny visited the Easter Bunny at the mall!

Visiting at the hospital before my Grandma’s surgery

1 Comment

Filed under Ben, dogs, family, Hope, life events, New Life

i love these four little girls

I’ve realized these last few days how blessed I am. I grew up very close to my cousins and two of these cousin’s have now started a family and have children of their own (all girls!). In fact, yesterday one of my cousin’s welcomed their newest daughter. Besides that the girls are almost three, two and three months. My cousin’s have opened their hearts and let get to know their daughters. Not all cousin’s would make the effort to do this but my cousin’s do and for that I consider myself extremely blessed and extraordinarily thankful.

Having the three (now four!) little girls in my life allows me to see the world through childlike wonder again, the gentleness that children can express towards animals, their absolute exuberance for life, their love for dancing, the caring they can bestow upon others, the ability to freely express their emotions (sadness and happiness) and a love for food.

I can learn so much from these little ones. I love them deeply and I pray everyday that they will avoid the struggles I faced. It’s scary how society can impact little girls but I also have faith in my cousin’s. These little girls will grow up loved and supported. I too grew up loved an supported but these girls have a gift I did not. Their parents have the gift of awareness and knowledge. And that is a great gift.

IMG_1592
I love you little Ava Grace, Olivia Imogene, Adelynn Faith and Kinley Elma.

3 Comments

Filed under family

we love each other too much to let each other go – “to be with you”

Tonight was family Christmas on my mother’s side. Each year we celebrate by exchanging sock gifts for a person we have drawn the year before. We all come together open gifts, spend time together, eat cheese and veggie dips and soups for dinner. As a child these celebrations were magical times of gift opening and waiting in anticipation for my turn. We always went in order from youngest to oldest which meant that  I was always number four (the first girl). At that time Grandma filled our socks and we each opened our two presents from Grandma and Grandpa. Since we have started the name draw instead of Grandma and Grandpa filling each sock the person who drew our name does so.  This means that each year the presents are unique to that gift giver and it is (supposed to be) a surprise to who had us. I’m much older so I’m not breathless with anticipation to open my sock gifts but I do look forward to it eyeing my sock and trying to gauge who it’s from and what is in it. I like to watch the person who I had shopped for open their sock and discover what I found for them.

This year was a little different. Our gathering was smaller than normal as my family more than twenty-five is scattered far and wide but we still held our sock exchange, laughed at the little girls, admired baby Kinely who is less than a week old and enjoyed each other’s company. I was also blessed to have my Grandmom (my father’s mother) here from Denver. She joined our gathering and I loved knowing that many of the people I loved were in the same room or represented by the socks they had sent.

One thing that has become apparent to me this year as the family has continued to scatter is that it takes work to be a family. Especially, an extended family. It takes dedication. Love, yes but also dedication, a dash of stubbornness and a huge amount of commitment. When you live far from someone you love it is easy to let a relationship go. I’ve watched my father work to continue his relationship with my Grandmom, calling every night even when they may not have lots to talk about. It works. They are close and they have a bond. Without those phone calls and the decision to communicate the relationship could easily have been lost. And now for the first time as my mother’s side of the family begins to truly scatter it marks a change and it requires something new from all of us. A new form of loyalty, love and effort. But I have no doubt we have it in us. We love each other too much to let each other go.

And now….my normal Sunday song. This songs means a lot to me this year as I am home for the first time in four years and my grandmother from Denver who I have not seen in years joins us for Christmas. It is called “To Be With You”.

We come in from our travels
Lay our gifts beneath the tree
my mothers in the kitchen
the parade is on tv
my father’s with his father
their setting out some toys
the kids all want the train he’s had
since he was a boy

to be with you
to be with you
i love this time of year
it always brings me here
to be with you

I fall in with my sisters
just like when we were young
my grandma holds the baby
she rocks and softly hums
we gather round the table
we close our eyes and sing
Praise God from whom all blessings flow

to be with you
to be with you
i love this time of year
it always brings me here
to be with you

Praise God from whom all blessings flow

We set our milk and cookies
the kids are quick to bed
they know St. Nick is coming
and nothing need be said
we gather by the fire
reminiscing by it’s light
the kids will be up early
but it’s hard to say goodnight

to be with you
to be with you
i love this time of year
it always brings me here
to be with you

 

3 Comments

Filed under faith, family, Hope, life events, music, New Life, Recovery, Sunday Songs

sunday song “the best day”

I think this song by Taylor Swift was written about her mother and I wanted to celebrate my own mother today. So enjoy the song and the pictures.

And to my mom: Thanks for all you do and continue to do for me. You have supported me through so much the past three years and I can’t even find adequate words to express how thankful I am for you. I love you Mama.

3 Comments

Filed under family, music, Sunday Songs

my one year blogiversary

The 21st was my one year blogiversary (aka I’ve had my blog for one year). My first post was called “A Start” and in it I included a vague description of  what I intended my blog to be:

I hope my blog will be filled with encouragement and progress but I am trying not to pass judgement on that fact. I am committing though that this is a recovery blog. I know if I begin to let myself drift into topics of sickness or behaviors I will only end up hurting myself and my recovery. So right now my goal is simply to let this be a place to write my feelings down, share what I have learned and honestly pass the time.

I think that I can say that my blog has been this and perhaps a bit more. I have talked about my recovery but also my struggles (the ones I feel comfortable discussing). I have also talked about the media and how it effects me as a person and the women I know who suffer from eating disorders. My brother also honored me by writting a blog post (my second most viewed post) from his point of view, “It Takes an Ocean not to Break” which encouraged and helped me to continue on in the ensuing posts which turned out to be the most difficult so far in my recovery. His post still makes me cry and extremely greatful and blessed for the support of my brother and other family and friends.

But I have great faith that she will weather this storm, even if it requires the assistance of her family and her friends and takes a while to find the right help. I have faith because my sister is strong. Because, it does take an ocean not to break: an ocean’s worth of persistence. You can’t just drain an ocean in one try, anymore than the horrible, terrifying, times Kate must feel can break her. Kate is a survivor, at the center of a web of relationships of people (her family and friends, my own friends who have never met her but do so much more to help her than I could ever have asked of them) whose great love for her motivate them to take actions at great costs to themselves without hesitation because they love her.

I shared my one year recovery (out of treatment) anniversary with those who read my blog and I wrote my second Letter of Hope (my first was written when I left The Center for Change) with those who follow/read my blog but mostly for myself so I could recognize where I have come from and also how far I have to go.

In the last year I have realized that what I am choosing to call recovery is actually called life. Life is a series of ups and downs (or so says what I have been told) but I never allowed myself to actually experience life so how can I know what life is like? I’ve learned my data on life that I learned for the first twenty years of my life really needs to be updated.

The post with the most traffic on this site has been my post “I Will Not Go Back to that World” written during NEDA week 2012. I intended it to be an informative post on what eating disorder are and what sufferers experience but instead it became an honest post of how my eating disorder still intrigues me and how I never, ever want that pain again.

I want what I had. But then I remind myself that I don’t. I don’t want the despair, I don’t want the hopelessness, I don’t want the weakness, I don’t want my voice to leave, I don’t want relationships torn and fragmented, I don’t want to spend another birthday away, a fourth Christmas in a treatment center, another year and a half isolated from the world. I’m not sure yet what life is going to look like for me now as a person in recovery and someday hopefully recovered but I do know I have to fight. I have to work. I have to come back from that cruel, cruel world in which I once existed.

I’ve blogged a LOT about dogs and shared my decision to receive a service dog through Heeling Allies. I shared the progress my family made as we fundraised and the fact that we miraculously raised all of the money through the support of my hometown, family and friends. And then I had the priveldge to share Ben, my service dog who will arrive July 31st.

I’ve blogged about a lot of other things. Some meaningless to everyone and possibly me (now that several months or a year has gone by) but also some “big” things that still matter a lot to me. I haven’t regretted any of my blogging entries and that is what I wanted most to be able to say. I’ve added other pages (see above) and updated my Gems of Hope page to contain a LOT of quotes. I’ve had a lot of Sunday Song posts and different pictures, quotes and pins of the week. A years worth in fact. 🙂

I don’t know if I’ll be writing a second blogiversary post. I hope so but who knows what a year can bring. But for now I’ll pass this milestone as I have all of the others this year. With friends or with family simply living.

And right now that means  a night of watching crappy t.v. with A. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

12 Comments

Filed under eating disorder, eating disorders, family, friends, Identity, Independence, life events, New Life, PTSD, Recovery, survivor, the past, trauma

what’s next? p.s. i’m back.

Before, I begin let me tell you a) this is Kate. I’m back and b) that I am going to have two posts today. I try not to fill up your inbox, google reader or brain with too many posts but I wanted to have my normal Sunday Song post and I also wanted to explain a bit about where my week took me.

As my brother, who wrote a post that made me cry and I think perhaps gave you a glimpse into the wonderful support I receive from him and how big of blessing he is to me, said I was in Missouri receiving help for my trauma. Or at least that was the plan. To make a very long week short my insurance does not cover trauma treatment. While I am lucky to have insurance that covered some of my eating disorder treatment there are still many areas in which my coverage is lacking. One of these areas is that trauma treatment is not covered. One of these days I will have my mother write about the insurance battles she fights regularly on my behalf. By the way if you didn’t know my mother is a lioness when it comes to get the best care for Chris or I.

Anyways, I did spend some time in a facility in the Kansas City area but was transported by ambulance (a requriement since they did not want to release me yet) to Prarie View in Newton on Wednesday night. Now, if you have never ridden in an ambulance for three and a half hours it is a unique experience. Apparently, ambulances aren’t made for comfort however when you are on new medications which make you incredible tired you can sleep through bumps, uncomfortable seat belts and EMTs that have nothing to do but stare at you. Sooo that was an experience to say the least. I did receive some benefit from the week I was away. They started me on a new medication that is making some sort of dent in the depression that has been deliberating for the last month or so (although like I mentioned it does sedate me).

The question for me now is what’s next? My brother has so much faith in me as do the rest of my family and my plan is to now borrow from that faith, strength and support for the next however many months, weeks or days. We are preparing to go to battle with the insurance company to try and gain a single case agreement so I can receive inpatient or residential treament for my trauma. It is going to be a long battle for sure with perhaps no success but my parents are willing to try (if you have hints or tips for dealing with insurance companies I’d love to hear them btw!). The reality is that while I can possibly do the work I need to do outpatient, inpatient treatment would be invaluable at this point and speed up my healing progress. It is not yet imperative that I receive it but it would be helpful in helping me truly move “onward and forward” as my favorite doctor says.

Thank you for all of your support and prayers. Thank you Chris for being a huge motivation for me as I continue on my path to recovery. I have realized I am loved more than I know.

3 Comments

Filed under depression, family, friends, life events, New Life, PTSD, Recovery, survivor, trauma

missing CFC sisters; reasons to live

I found myself missing Utah today. Not the Center but the people who filled it while I was there. I communicate with many of them on facebook or phone and they never fail to amaze me with their friendship and love. I’m amazed that we have managed to transfer our friendship from simply a commonality based upon an eating disorder to a friendship based upon life, love and shared goals. It’s coming into the holiday season and I think this is one reason I miss them. During the holidays I want to be with people I love and I love my CFC sisters. And although the holidays were hard and out of the norm last year I was surrounded by girls I love. This year I’ll be surrounded by family but I can’t help but also miss my friends.

Anyways, all of this missing and wishing led me to my journal to see where I was exactly a year ago. I filled a journal while at CFC and while I journal less frequently now I still find it a way to get my thoughts out (much like this blog). I would like to share one section of what I wrote (the other section the wonderful W.J. made me cover up with sticky notes….long story).

November 4, 2010

What can I do to help speed up my recovery? What would satisfy Wendy and what would give me hope? What would be good enough? What happens if I start doing something that proves life is worth living…would that help? I could write lists of things to live for, I could write daily afirmations, I could write one reason every day why I deserve to recover.

There are some thinking errors in this (i.e. recovery is not a fast process nor should it be…I don’t need to worry about what would be good enough – trying is good enough) but also somethings that I can take away today. Specifically, the reminder that there are things that do prove life is worth living. The past week has been hard and I think it would help to remind myself that there are many things in life that can bring me joy and make life worthwhile.

So here is my list:

A Few Reasons Why Life is Worth Living

  • My two beautiful neices
  • My dog
  • The fall weather
  • The tortises at the zoo
  • My friends (L who makes me laugh; C who sees into my soul; A. who loves me through the worst and all the others)
  • My family
  • Lazy Saturday mornings
  • Papa’s chili (yes a food thing)
  • Good books
  • Learning
  • Modern Family
  • Music
  • Comfy blankets
  • Knitting
  • Puzzles
  • My apartment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Comments

Filed under coping skills, family, friends, New Life, Recovery, survivor

birthday wishes

Before I begin this post I wanted to apologize for a strange notice you may have gotten. If you follow my blog you may have seen an email that I posted the other day and I accidentally did. I was trying to figure out how to integrate a new feature to my blog (which didn’t work…) and what you saw was the HTML (internet language) codes. Sorry if I confused you or cluttered up your inbox! 

My birthday is tomorrow. My parents says that it will be about exactly twenty-three years to the day since I was born on a Friday and tomorrow is a Friday as well (TGIF anyone?). Something you must understand is that I LOVE my birthday. I always have. I don’t know why. It’s not the gifts or being the center of attention. I think it’s just celebrating a special day. I love holidays and a birthday is like a holdiay. It’s out of the ordinary and the routine. It’s breaks up the normalcy of life and gives a person something to celelbrate.

I will admit I love presents. Not the gifts themselves but the unwrapping process. I love to open things. Cards, toothbrushes, dog toys, gifts. You name it I can open it. And I am relishing the opportunity of unwrapping things tomorrow.

On a more serious note this birthday will be the first one I have spent at home in two years. Last year I was spending the day on caution (aka prision) at CFC and the year before I was at Laureate. My birthday at Laureate was also my 21st birthday. The age that you become an ‘adult’. I spent the day making flubber, crawling around on the floor (I wasn’t yet released from my wheelchair) with a tube in my nose. For my 22nd birthday I spent the day on CFC’s highest level of care isolated from the other girls. However, on that birtheday I learned that even in the most miserablest of circumstances good could things could occur. The girls not only sang happy birthday to me (even though they were not techinically allowed to talk to me due to the strict rules of caution) but sang do-re-mi from the Sound of Music and completely took over the unit with signs wishing me happy birthday (I owe most of the happiness of that day to my dear friend C. Oh how I miss you). It was the first time in a very long time that I had felt that kind of love and allowed myself to receive it fully.

This year is different. I get to experience this milestone in freedom. And oh is it a  milestone. It will be the first brithday in probably more than ten years where I will be happy, healthy and safe. I won’t be locked up in an EDU or a residential treatment center but surrounded by family. I will actual be able to blow out candles since they aren’t prohibited due to health codes, I will enjoy my cake (well, Oreo Dessert actually) and be able to keep all of my presents since there is no restriction on items I can have.

I am grateful for my two birthdays away since they have led me to the place I am now. I still have every single sign the CFC girls made for me. I treasure the memory of how they strived to make my day special and even agreed to play the game Hug-a-pug which I got for my birthday (thanks Aunt Pam!). And in fact I’m missing all of those girls as I get ready to turn 23. But I don’t wish I was back at CFC. I so wish they were here and we were celebrating a year of recovery, hard work and happiness together.

So instead of a birthday filled with tubes, wheelchairs, tears over cakes, isolation and supervision I will spend my day celebrating  the blessings that have ocured over the last year: the unexpected miracles, the God things, new friendships, recovery, dogs, a new apartment and many many more.  I will be surrounded by those who know me best but still love me. I will get to open gifts and spend the day as I choose.

And if I believed in wishes I would be wishing on my candles for all of those blessings and more. For me and for my loved ones and friends. It’s time to shape my next twenty-three years around recovery, healing and happiness. I know if I do that thenI will be able to get through anything.

9 Comments

Filed under eating disorder, faith, family, friends, Identity, life events, Recovery