Tag Archives: CFC

blessed be the name of the lord – sunday song – Easter

Spirituality and faith has been something I have been slowly exploring since my time at CFC. The Center for Change placed a very large emphasis on spirituality. They believed that faith in something was an important part of recovery. And I believe this as well. As I search through my own beliefs and am trying to make my own faith personal I can see how it positively effects my recovery.

When I was at the Center I loved to play piano during a time we had called “togetherness” where inpatient and residential spent time together. I played the piano in the basement different tunes and at times had others singing along. I had a hymn book and there was one particular hymn that I grew to love. This song was “Blessed Be the Name of the Lord”. In fact, at my goodbye group I played this song because I believe that faith and hope is my future.

Today, for Easter Sunday I choose this as my song of the week.




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Filed under faith, Hope, music, New Life, Recovery, Sunday Songs, survivor

missing CFC sisters; reasons to live

I found myself missing Utah today. Not the Center but the people who filled it while I was there. I communicate with many of them on facebook or phone and they never fail to amaze me with their friendship and love. I’m amazed that we have managed to transfer our friendship from simply a commonality based upon an eating disorder to a friendship based upon life, love and shared goals. It’s coming into the holiday season and I think this is one reason I miss them. During the holidays I want to be with people I love and I love my CFC sisters. And although the holidays were hard and out of the norm last year I was surrounded by girls I love. This year I’ll be surrounded by family but I can’t help but also miss my friends.

Anyways, all of this missing and wishing led me to my journal to see where I was exactly a year ago. I filled a journal while at CFC and while I journal less frequently now I still find it a way to get my thoughts out (much like this blog). I would like to share one section of what I wrote (the other section the wonderful W.J. made me cover up with sticky notes….long story).

November 4, 2010

What can I do to help speed up my recovery? What would satisfy Wendy and what would give me hope? What would be good enough? What happens if I start doing something that proves life is worth living…would that help? I could write lists of things to live for, I could write daily afirmations, I could write one reason every day why I deserve to recover.

There are some thinking errors in this (i.e. recovery is not a fast process nor should it be…I don’t need to worry about what would be good enough – trying is good enough) but also somethings that I can take away today. Specifically, the reminder that there are things that do prove life is worth living. The past week has been hard and I think it would help to remind myself that there are many things in life that can bring me joy and make life worthwhile.

So here is my list:

A Few Reasons Why Life is Worth Living

  • My two beautiful neices
  • My dog
  • The fall weather
  • The tortises at the zoo
  • My friends (L who makes me laugh; C who sees into my soul; A. who loves me through the worst and all the others)
  • My family
  • Lazy Saturday mornings
  • Papa’s chili (yes a food thing)
  • Good books
  • Learning
  • Modern Family
  • Music
  • Comfy blankets
  • Knitting
  • Puzzles
  • My apartment










Filed under coping skills, family, friends, New Life, Recovery, survivor

sunday song post – “love story meets viva la vida” – the piano guys

The Piano Guys are a group from Utah. Utah holds a special place in my heart as you might know so when I discovered this group through a friend (K.B.) from CFC I immediantly checked them out and I am glad I did. The group is a combination of a cello and piano player and they perform arrangement’s of everything from pop songs to hymns and classical music. This song is one of my favorites and right now one of my favorite “chill out” songs. It’s worth a listen and I hope it might give you a few moments of peace and relaxation.

“Love Story Meets Viva La Vida”


Filed under coping skills, music, Sunday Songs

cfc was right all along…

I thought I would share what I have learned about my body and body image in the last five (almost six!) months. I’m amazed how much it has changed and also a little humbled about how much stuff was CFC was right about…

I’ve learned…

1) To recogize that when I have “evidence” (pants fitting tighter etc. etc) that I have gained weight there is almost always an explanation for it – I’ve eaten something for dinner such as carbs that can make you feel bloated for a short amount of time, it’s a “woman” thing or I’m retaining water.

2) Also I’ve learned to recognize that I really am not a good judge of my weight gain. When I’ve convinced I’ve gained the scale has stayed the same (according to my dietician – I don’t see my weight). I’ll leave the monitoring of my weight to the professionals.

3) Intiutive eating is the best thing that has happened in my recovery. For those of you who don’t know what intuitive eating is it is- simply eating what you want when you want it. And yes this includes “junk food”.

4) That it is true what they told us at CFC – when you eat intuitivaly your body really does fall into where it needs to be. I have stayed within my range since coming home no matter if Ive eaten really healthy or lots of ice cream and cookies. It all evens out somehow.

5) I like food. Sounds simple enough btut I honestly didn’t know this.

6) I’ve realized that when I do feel fat I’m not. Fianlly, I believe what they have been telling me for ages.

7) When I exercise because I want to it’s enjoyable but only when I’ve eaten enough and have taken care of my body. I like being able to ride my bike and appreciate how strong my legs are or how well my heart works now.

8) I don’t have to like how I like how I look but I can accept it.

9) I can correct my mistakes. Not always is it possible to “make up” food but when it is I do and if it is not I change my mindset and try again tomorrow. One mistake is not an end all be alll.

10) Most importantly I have learned that while I still have a long ways to go someday I can be recovered (period). I’m baffled by the fact that this is possible but also overwhemled with the relief that it is.


Filed under coping skills, eating disorder, eating disorders, Identity, Recovery

sunday song – Willdflowers by Tom Petty

For some reason many of the girls  I have met in treatment especially at CFC have been on my mind this past week. For this reason I have chosen the song “Wildflowers” by Tom Petty. Whenever I play this song I think of the girls I have met in treatment. This is my wish (CFC girls you’ll get that reference) for all of the girls I have been blessed to have in my life the last two years. All of you truly do belong among the Wildflowers and “somewhere you feel free”. That is my hope and wishfor you.



Wildflower lyrics

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
Sail away, kill off the hours
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, find you a lover
Go away somewhere bright and new
I have seen no other
Who compares with you

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, go find a lover
Run away, let your heart be your guide
You deserve the deepest of cover
You belong in that home by and by

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free
You belong somewhere you feel free

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Filed under friends, music, Recovery

growing closer once again to God

The last few days since I posted “It is Well” I have been thinking about how my soul and spirit can be well while emotionally and mentally I may be struggling. We talked about this at CFC . How to have a healthy spiritual life and how to live in harmony with God even when life has thrown you struggle after struggle. One of the main things I learned was that even in my darkest hours God still wants me. And also although I may be broken down by life my spiritual soul can still be resting with God.

God never promised things would be easy. He never promised us that we would never hurt. But he did promise that he would be with us at all times. This means that when I am sad, discouraged or terrified God is there. He is there in my sorrow. He is there in my pain. And becasue of this the deepest part of me that connects with God can be “well”. I may not be okay but I can gather comfort from the fact that even though my physical world may be falling apart – my spiritual life can be very much okay.

I say can be because this requires actions and committment  from me. I absolutley must comitt to pursuing God and maintaining a relationship with him at all times. I cannot expect to fall back on God’s comfort in my darkest hours if in my best days I have not spent time building and strengthing my relationship with him. I won’t have the tools. I won’t have the trust that I need to have built. I won’t have the concious thoughts to turn to God. So I must activley continue to strenghten my relationship with my Father in heaven and also build my faith. This is going to be a goal of mine in the next coming months. Here are some ways in which I plan to act on this goal:

1) Read my Bible. I love the version I have and I love just opening it up and reading. I take notes and try to absorb it all. I just need to do this more often.

2) Start and continue an ongoing Bible Study with Cassi where I have accountability and friendship.

3) Start praying for guindance in my life and for specific family members. Make a committment to pray for a certian amount of time and devote time, faith, energy and trust.

4) Start a gratitude list that I keep adding to in my journal.

5) Continue to read a devotion book or Christian study book to grow in my faith.

6) Comitt to atending church despite my fears.

So – These are my goals. I think I am going to be able to accomplish them. They are so important for my life right now. Therapy has become harder and I NEED to have Jesus to support and love me. The distance I have created between us is unacceptable and plainly miserable. I miss him. I know he did not move and he still loves and support me but I know that it is time for me to move back closer to him.



Filed under faith, Identity