I’ve been putting off writing this post. I’ve been doing a lot of crying and a whole lot of mourning the past couple of days. On Friday, Benny had a seizure followed by several more in the following 72 hours. What does this mean? Well, it means Benny probably has epilepsy which changes his life in many ways and also means it immediately moved him into retirement from service dog work.
Watching Benny have a seizure is one of the scariest things I have had to witness. The seizure itself is scary but the aftereffects even more so for me. He is confused, seems to forget where he is and can hardly walk. He is uncomfortable and moves from the floor, to the chair, to the couch and back again. The only thing he wants seems to be me. He is extremely clingy.
After his first seizure I loaded him into the car almost as soon as it was done. At that point I didn’t really know what had happened. On the way to the vet it dawned on my mother and me that he must have had a seizure as he appeared to be coming out of whatever happened to him. The vet confirmed this. Blood was taken and the preliminary diagnosis is epilepsy. Within 48 hours Benny had had two more seizures (one serious, one less so) and another one later.
On Thursday Benny and I will travel to Kansas State Veterinary Clinic to meet with a specialist and to determine if it exactly is epilepsy and hopefully get him started on a medication regimen. More than likely Ben will have to take meds for the rest of his life.
I expect Ben to by and large live a happy and full life. Yes, it will be marred by seizures (hopefully only occasionally) but they can by and large be controlled by medication is what I am told. He can no longer be my service dog something both him and I must come to terms with but he can live his life out as a loved and spoiled pet (and trust me he’ll be spoiled).
I would have liked for our partnership to end with Ben retiring in old age but it is not to be. I will have to mourn this for awhile. I will miss my boy but I do have Shona to work (and someday another dog). I am extremely lucky in that I have my Shona girl to step in. I am also lucky that I can keep Ben and have him with me everyday. So yes, I am sad. Devastated really but Ben and I will move forward as a team and face this together just as we have faced every other challenge placed before us.