that big white house

I have posted political posts on this blog before and got a lot of feedback. Some unnecessary and unkind, some agreeing with me, others disagreeing with me in a respectful and kind manner. And I learned from all of it (except for the attacks – that doesn’t work). What I learned the most though was from a friend, Laura, who told me that her dad taught her to trust God that no matter who wins the election, that our future is still in his hands. What an amazing way to look at the results. I struggle with my faith. I struggle trusting God and knowing that he was not the one who hurt me. But for some reason this really hit home for me and so I sit here on the couch with the television turned off. I do have a candidate that I would like to win. And yes, I would like him to win quite a bit. But am I confident that I will survive if he does not? Yes. Yes, I am. I am going to keep moving forward in my recovery. Keep healing and keep working as hard as I can. I will struggle. I will fall. I will make leaps and bounds forward. I will hope and look forward to waking up.

And while I experience this someone far away from me will be sitting in a big white house. They will be making decisions that yes will affect me but at this point I cannot dwell on that. Someday I want to be a political activist. I want to campaign for women’s rights. I want to support the women’s movement and do all sorts of things. But one thing I learned in my short time in school is that I am not ready. I have to become a woman who is a survivor and who while might not be healed is actively on that journey. I want to speak for women. I want to be their voice but first I must find my own. And I must trust that while I am doing this our country is being taken care of. I might not trust whoever is sitting in that white house but I do trust God. And I trust that while I am learning how to live my life he will be taking care of the rest of it.

Someday, I will have my chance to speak my mind. I will have an opportunity to make social changes. I will have a voice that I can use to say I was a woman who was in the depths of hell but am no longer there and I want to speak for those women. But right now I rely on those woman who are at their stage of their journey where they can do this.

My job is simple. Keep healing. Keep moving forward. And keep trusting. No matter who moves into the big white house come January.

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6 Comments

Filed under coping skills, Election 2012, faith, Hope, life events, New Life, PTSD, Recovery

6 responses to “that big white house

  1. Pamela Alida

    I love you. And this is so true. I know you will be a voice for so many women when you are ready. ❤

  2. Keep your eye on that goal, Kate — and good luck on that journey!

  3. Mary

    You can do it! One simple step at a time!!!

  4. Mary

    Or not so simple at times…but you can still do it! Love you!

  5. Jen

    This post was beautiful. I don’t know how to describe how touched I felt reading about what you will do once you find your voice. And the struggle to find your voice. You are beautiful, and you are making a difference today… Even if its not on the scale you want (and probably will do in the future.)

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