This is the longest I have gone without updating this blog. Even when I was in trauma treatment last December I was able to give updates. The reason for the long time between posts has been due to several things. The main one being that I have been very depressed due to a change in medication. I can feel myself responding to the meds now so I’m beginning to climb out of that black hole of depression. I am proud to say that I remained symtom free and out of the hospital during the duration of the med change. This is HUGE for me as this has never happened. I can 100% give the credit to Ben. He is (literally) a lifesaver.
Like I said above there were several things contributing to my blogging silence. Another factor was that I once again decided to make some life changes and I was reluctant to blog about those until the main supports in my life were told. Also, I was procrastinating opening up about these changes because I was/am afraid of being judged. I am in the process of moving back to my hometown. I let my lease expire where I am currently living which is in a city about an hour away from where I grew up and where all of my appointments are. I originally moved there for reasons that no longer apply and while it is wonderful to be so near to several of my friends and my appointments it really is in my best interest to move back closer to my family. However, I am not planning on living with my parents. Right now we are on the search for apartments for Ben and I. It’s a slow process but we have some leads.
I think I mentioned several posts back that my therapist and I are are going to begin exploring some of my trauma in depth in the weeks and months to come. I could possibly continue living alone an hour away from my parents but this would be an extremely risky move by moving closer to my family I am closer to help should anything come up. It’s the right decision to move back but of course it comes with sadness and a sense of regret. I love my little yellow apartment and I’m going to miss it. So far I haven’t found anything that I absolutely love (housing options are pretty limited where I am looking) so if you live in my area and know of a place I could live let me know!
I’m going to let this be it for today. I promise this coming week I’ll be updating more often as I venture out on the great apartment search of 2012 and begin (another) new stage in my journey.