No Sunday Song today. I wanted to write a regular blog entry.
School starts tomorrow. I haven’t been to school for three years. I’ve spent the time in treatment, recovery, relapse, recovery again, relapse again, treatment again, recovery again and trying to live life in-between all of that. There have been so really, really low lows and some little highs. And all through that I’ve been holding onto the idea of school. I knew that if I could ever get well enough to live life I would return to school.
It was sometime in the last year that I decided to pursue a degree in Women’s Studies. I want to help women who have been through hell like me. I want to show them through example that one can come out of that and live life as a productive member of society whose past did not break them. But in order for that to happen – I have to move forward through my past. I don’t say get over my past because that is not what is going to happen. I have to move through it and let it go bit by bit. It’s a long process and one I’ve just begun. I imagine it will take me years but I someday want to say that my past no longer has power over my future.
This is why starting school is so important to me. It’s one step through my past and into my present. I have been unable to attend school for many reasons one of which is my trauma. But now with Ben by my side I feel ready. I am excited about my classes as they are things I am interested in. I feel like I’ve finally found my niche with Women’s Studies and I can’t wait to learn. It’s exciting to be able to say to my past (and one particular person) screw you. I’m taking back my life.
And that’s what I am. I’m taking back my life. Bit by bit but tomorrow it will start with my 9:30 Women in Society class.