A lot of people I know have started blogs. They are usually filled with dramatic stories of hospitals, E.R. visits and promises to get better soon. I don’t want to have one of those blogs because I honestly want to be able to say that I am in recovery. But yet I also want to be as open as I choose to be. I am not sure yet how open this will be but I guess I shall see as I go along. I hope my blog will be filled with encouragement and progress but I am trying not to pass judgement on that fact. I am committing though that this is a recovery blog. I know if I begin to let myself drift into topics of sickness or behaviors I will only end up hurting myself and my recovery. So right now my goal is simply to let this be a place to write my feelings down, share what I have learned and honestly pass the time.
I’m home tonight. It took me quite a while to figure out how I wanted my blog to look (ms. perfectionist as one of my inspirations would say) but I finally decided to just be satisfied with it I can always change it later. My dog sits on the couch currently on my mother’s lap. She wants to go to bed and we will soon. I take sleep meds and unfortunantly this limits my late night activity time. However, in the meantime Shona is looking me with pitiful, sleep filled brown eyes.
I talked to Verna tonight. Probably my best friend in this world. I enjoyed chatting about normal twenty something stuff. It is not often I get to do that and it was nice to take a break from the tragic, chaotic, damaging but beautiful world the majority of myself and my friends exist in. I wouldn’t loose these friends for the world but at times I become lonely for the few friendship I have known in my twenty-two years that were formed through the normal methods of becoming close to another human being. But yet it is also hard to explain the bond I have with the other girls. Perhaps it is only those who have lived the life we have can even begin to fathom it. An environment in which you come to know another person’s most private hurts and pain while you are struggling with your own cannot be replicated in the “outside” world. Friendships formed there are unlike any others. I really have no words to explain but perhaps that’s another post.
Well perhaps this is just a little snapshot of what my blog will look like. I feel like I rambled but it’s a post and a start at least. I’m off to read a bit and then finally take my tired puppy to bed.